Self-analysis…free from bias since NEVER.

So…week 2 of my course misadventures into resilience and mindfulness.

I say ‘misadventures’ because I really do just stumble around blindly and aimlessly most of the time, physically, mentally, spiritually, [insert more ‘-ally’ adverbs here]. The other day, I managed to walk into a lamp post…the worst thing being that the lamp post was completely in my line of vision as I walked towards it…

Resilience week 2-1

If you don’t understand the numbers in the picture, google the code “ICD-10 W22.02XA“…yes, it is a lame medicine joke/reference and no, I am NOT going to apologise for it.

Don’t ask what was going on in my mind…my brain was obviously registering the sensory input from my eyes, but I cannot remember, AT ALL, what I was thinking about…actually, I lie; I was daydreaming about what it would be like to be superhuman – have a photographic memory and enhanced senses, like amazing hearing and vision…kind of ironic really.

ANYWAYS, I digress.
Our tutor asked us to state some traits that we attribute to ourselves. This is essentially what was going on in my mind:

Resilience week 2 image

As you can see, my mind is clearly deranged…a set of scales with sides that are DEFINITELY UNBALANCED, adorned with my face, a bucket with a hole on one side and an extravagant aquarium on the other…complete with what I assume are fish…oh, and the fish seem to have no eyes or side fins. Evolution/my imagination has not been kind to these fish…

The point was that I focus heavily on my negatives and hang onto them. If there are positives to myself, I largely ignore them. If I am forced to acknowledge a positive, then I’ll do so for a brief second before I let that positive go free and far away.

I don’t think it’s wrong to focus on your negatives; it allows you to identify flaws or problems with yourself. Armed with that information, you can change yourself for the better…

BUT, my mistake is to ignore my positives…which don’t exist. If you only consider the negative aspects of yourself, then you will lose yourself in them and become depressed by them. It’s like walking around in the dark without a torch – you will get lost eventually.

…unless you have amazing super enhanced night vision…if so, then you’re fine (^.^).


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