1st of 8 weeks of Resilience.

So, as part of our course, we get a module where we spend 2-3 hours every week, for a period of 8 weeks studying/exploring an area of medicine that we find interesting.

Whilst other people assessed the interaction between genetics and the environment, took part in NHS audits, assisted independent research trials, I spent the 2 hours a week doing:
hard work mindfulness and resilience.

…yes, I was looking for an easy way out and I scored BIG TIME (^.^). NO ENERGY-DRAINING, TIME-DESTROYING, HAPPINESS-DRAINING WORK FOR ME!!!!!!
An opportunity to spend time doing absolutely nothing and making stuff up on the spot to address the ‘wishy-washy’ concepts that are associated with mindfulness.

The above paragraph did sum up part of my decision to choose to focus on mindfulness; BUT there is more to mindfulness than giving yourself a defensable excuse to procrastinate and use ‘fluffy, flowery, emotional’ language.

Part of the reason I chose it was because I knew that it is now time of year when deadlines, sign offs and exams are maliciously creeping nearer. And knowing how unlucky I tend to be, I knew that other things will crop up that shall add to that stress and potentially push me over the edge of my sanity. Choosing something that would help me to deal with all these stresses rather than adding to them was a key reason for doing this module.
As it happened, our first 2 hours of mindfulness was to focused on reminding ourselves of how to let go of all the problems that are plaguing us and to just give ourselves some time to be free from them.

Resilience week 1 image

YOU’RE AN IDIOT!!! You could have spent those 2 hours actually getting work and revision done instead of procrastinating and doing NOTHING!!!”

I can understand why you could view those 2 hours as a waste of time…because you’re right, I COULD have gotten some more work done, I COULD have done some more revision, I COULD have gone shopping…blahblahblah, etc.

But with all the stresses on me, if I didn’t take that time out, I would have BURNT OUT…and that’s a fact. If you can manage all the stresses that I had on me without spending those 2 hours on the beach, then infinite GOLD STARS to you. Let me know where you’d like me to post those gold stars…(-.-)

And yes, you could view it as me being lazy and procrastinating…and again I agree that I was procrastinating. But it was the lesser of two evils: procrastinate and lose a little revision time or over-extend myself and lose everything I have worked for this year.

For the record, we spent those 2 hours at the beach relaxing…‘FAB’ is the word I would use to describe the experience…and the name of the ice cream I had (^.^).

Fab-Lolly

(I did also have a ‘BEAST’ice cream…you can look that up yourselves…recommended for chocoholics like yours truly.)

A part of me is disappointed that I couldn’t keep working and needed to waste those two hours…and I have to accept that. Another part of me is also disappointed that this is essentially an excuse for not working. If I were stronger, maybe I wouldn’t have needed those two hours and maybe I wouldn’t be ashamed of my wasted time…

Or maybe if I were stronger, I’d just beat the **** out of those parts of me for being close minded, for not looking at the bigger picture and for being ****s (>.>).

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…KABOOM!!!!

….if there is one phrase that accurately sums up the state of my life over the past 6 months, it would be: “the best-laid plans o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley…”
Or for those who are not familiar with the language of that Scottish poet Robert Burns: ‘no matter how much you prepare or plan for something, there will ALWAYS be something that can completely and utterly ruin it.’

For example, let’s take a look at the very thing that you are currently reading:
The aim of this blog was to detail all the experiences and thoughts that I would have whilst going through my third year of a medicine university course…KABOOM!!! BANG!!! CRASH!!! SMASH!!! BLAST!!!

KABOOM1

Those are the sounds of epic explosions of failure, heh. And rightly so…after all, I haven’t typed anything for 6 months on here.

Things generally haven’t worked out well…but when you wake up somewhere with no idea where, when, how and why you got there, then is only one thing you can do:
GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!!!
Well…that’s one option, but it’s probably wiser to figure out what happened the night before that led you to your current predicament (you can tell that this happens to me a lot…*cough*).

To be honest, like the poor mouse of Burn’s poem, I didn’t foresee serious problems at home that would distract me from one of the most important years in my medical career, as well as other commitments, like keeping this blog up to date.

BUT…those are just excuses, regardless of how relevant they are. And it’s not as if I have been idle. I have been drawing cartoons over the past 8 weeks, so I’ll post those up in the next couple of days as there are stories behind them.

…I love how committed I am to making this blog less empty when the follower list for it is even worse (^.^). But it’s the principle that matters…and the fact that if I don’t, I might have nightmares about an angry Scottish poet for not doing so…(>.<)
(FYI I do not mean to offend anyone with the dialect in the drawing…I evidently need to spend more time with Scottish people…).

KABOOM2