“Don’t give up, the beginning is always the hardest…” (-.-)

So…someone, somewhere, at some point in time, for some reason, said that if you ever think about giving up:
“Don’t give up, the beginning is always the hardest…”

That person was EVIDENTLY not a normal healthy adolescent male. I don’t recall a normal healthy adolescent male ever having problems getting his penis erect…although I think the quote has beaten me on this one as am sure a normal healthy adolescent male probably would have quite a hard erection if you get my drift…let’s try that again:

That PERSON EVIDENTLY did not play video games, which get harder as you go…wait…ugh, damn it, the quote’s beaten me AGAIN. I guess being a newbie (I save the word ‘noobie/noob’ for someone who is just stupid at a game after playing it for a while.) is always going to be tough as you have no idea how to do anything at the beginning, but once you’ve got the basics, you watch others/ learn how to handle the harder parts that you come across later on…what the hell? I am being intellectually beaten by a proverb!!!….I refuse to yield…(-.-)

Dont give up 1

THAT PERSON EVIDENTLY NEVER…formed a romantic relationship with anyonein our modern timesin the UK….(I have you now, you proverb). It’s easy, as a guy, to casually walk into a bar/club on a Friday or Saturday night and walk out with a girl who will engage in some lustful loin luvin’ with you. I assume it’s the same vice versa…as I have a natural fully functional penis and no attractively sized mammary glands, I can’t confirm that experimentally. But I can say that I have observed girls hunting for men and dragging their triumphant prize home, and also girls stalking girls and guys pouncing on guys (and why not? If that’s how you roll, then go and roll people!!!). But am sure most people will tell you that once the sex is over, trying to keep a relationship going past the honeymoon phase can be NOTORIOUSLY difficult.

And I seem to have digressed…getting back to the main point I was making: please do not misunderstand me. I do understand what the person, who came up with the “don’t give up…” proverb, was saying. But it really isn’t always the case that the beginning is always the hardest. They don’t work in all circumstances…and yet people still consider them to be undeniably true and hold onto them with blind faith

ANYWAYS, why am I talking about this? Well, technically, I am now passed the beginning of my 3rd year of medicine…
WOO!!! CELEBRATIONS!!! AM STILL HERE!!!! Blah blah blah, etc (-.-). It’s only been over a week…and it’s felt like quite an easy week too…I can’t help but feel the ominous hand of fate creeping up on me, ready to punch me into an oblivion of stress and exhaustion…

Dont give up 2

But am sure…*gets punched by a massive Hand of Fate, experiences stress and exhaustion as a result*…FML (-.-).
It’s only the second week, and I seem to spend more of my time in lectures and in the library THAN I HAVE AT HOME!?!?!?!?!
*Actually only just realises how much more per day: 15 hours of medicine v.s 9 hours out of medicine. Of those 9 hours, 1.5 is used travelling…that leaves 7.5 at home….aka cooking and SLEEPING (>.<).

Why am I spending so much time with medicine per day? Because I LOVE IT...obviously….(-.-). I’m still working in the library after the others all have gone home because I’ve got a memory like a goldfish…who seriously thought “I am going to see how long the memory of a goldfish is today”? I mean seriously…people just have too much time or too little sanity…and before you animal rights people start screaming about how goldfish deserve to know how long their memories are:
IT’S A GOLDFISH…IT ALREADY KNOWS HOW LONG IT’S MEMORY IS…unless it has forgotten…in which case: IT DOESN’T CARE!!!! It’s like a patient going under general anaesthesia…as long as they are unconscious and are not going to remember, then he/she/it REALLY doesn’t care what you do.

And I’ve gone off topic AGAIN…I may need to hire someone to keep me on topic…So, medicine so far? In this past week, I’ve actually done more medicine than I have done in my previous years of the course. I HAZ ACHIEVED ADULT LIFE SUPPORTER – RANK 1…rank 2 will come when I actually save someone’s life, rank 3 when I save 5 lives…etc. But it is nice to now know how to actually save someone’s life, after all, that’s why most people do medicine.

It almost makes me wonder what the **** was the point of all those previous years of pointless lectures…I shall throw away all my anatomy notes, burn all my physiology notes, shred all my pathology notes, DESTROY all my histology notes, devour all my edible notes…wait what? (o.0)…oh, I’m hungry again, that’s why…
But, in order to stop you from ruining my dream, I shall ruin it for myself by saying “YES, I do know that those previous years of information will underpin my understanding for this year…blah blah blah…”
After all, all those pointless lectures informed me that adolescent guys have strong hard on’s (although experience also highlighted that to me), that general anaesthesia hypnotises and relieves you of pain and that to save someone’s life, I have to stop their unconscious tongue from selfishly suffocating them and kiss them with the love of a deflating bariatric air mattress.

…the fact that I seem to be remembering this info seems to suggest that maybe my staying behind in the library, after all my classmates go home, and revising is making a difference and although it was very hard in the beginning, it will get…
OH SHUT UP AND GO HOME ALREADY!!!!!! YOU NEED SLEEP AND FOOD…DON’T CARE WHAT ORDER THEY COME IN!!!! (>.<)

Dont give up 3

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HAHAHAHAHAHA KARMA STRIKES, SUCKS TO BE YOU!!!!!!!!

So….it’s been a while since this 3rd year of this medicine course started. I’ll go into how I feel about THAT after I actually figure out HOW and WHAT I do feel about it all…in the mean time:

Whilst working in the library, I came across a former classmate. Apparently she knew who I was the second she saw me, whilst I (being the oblivious person that I am) completely and utterly ignored her…(is that an oxymoron? Meh…do I really care about answering my own question? No, so let’s continue…)

After 3 hours, she finally approached me and said “Hi!!! Wow, I can’t believe you’re here in front of me!!! Upon seeing me in a state of complete confusion, she shyly continued: Wait, do you remember me?” I immediately felt guilty as I honestly couldn’t remember who this beautiful, smiling, gorgeous, (have I emphasised how ****ing amazing she looked?) girl was…

Karma 1

So I replied “I honestly don’t remember what I did 1 hour ago, let alone anything beyond that…I am so sorry…” (>.<).
Her eyes literally fell as if I had just betrayed and killed her“That’s ok…it was about 6 years ago, after all…we were at XXX college together…

I still could NOT, for the life of me, remember who she was, or HOW, IN THE WORLD, COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN SUCH A FANTASTIC LOOKING SPECIMEN OF FEMININITY (…yes, I admit that it was a highly masculine view of femininity that was rampaging through my mind at that particular point). But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings anymore than I had already done, so I lied and said “Oh…wait…OH I REMEMBER NOW!!! I can’t believe I almost forgot you….Let’s start again…WOAH!!! HI!!! I can’t believe it’s you either!!!….” etc, etc. She seemed to perk up at this, and we talked for a bit about the usual conversation starters, like how I was now at med school, where other people (who I don’t remember) from the college were, the embarrassing weather (the topic, which if you ever get to in a conversation, you KNOW the conversation is dying loudly), saved by talk of her family….

Throughout this, I SHOULD have felt so happy….what guy doesn’t feel happy when such an attractive girl is talking to him…let’s change that: what person doesn’t feel happy when such an attractive person is giving YOU ALL OF THEIR ATTENTION? But I didn’t…instead, there was a feeling of sadness, fear, malice and bitterness. Something was wrong…and then it hit me…

BACKGROUND INFORMATION FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT:
…now, it is really difficult to phrase this, because there are no single words to describe it. Essentially, 6 years ago, we were seeing each other. Although I felt like we were boyfriend and girlfriend, officially it was never announced that we were together. I’d say we were dating, you know what? I have no idea what to call whatever it was.

Anyways, we met in the first year of AS. She was in most of my classes, because we were both aiming to get into medicine. The second I told her I was also looking to get into medicine, she LATCHED ON and me, being the naive neanderthal I was, happily allowed her to cling on. We did a lot together, worked hard, played harder…no sex though…just ‘cuddling’, kissing, holding hands…(bearing in mind that I had never had sex or even had any sexual knowledge at that point…yes, it’s embarrassing for a then 20 year old). I can only imagine what sex with her would have been like…(^.^).

Karma 2

She wasn’t the ‘smartest’ kid on the block. Don’t get me wrong, I am thick…I am as dense as osmium (shut up chemists…I don’t care that there is an argument over osmium or iridium being denser (-.-). But she was something else…but a quick learner, and I spent months helping her to improve to the level we had to be at to even have a chance of getting into medicine. Things were fine until UCAS applications were sent…after that, she became more distant with me. Now, I know exactly what you are all thinking at this point…“she becomes distant so suddenly?”“You should have known that something was wrong” And I did, I tried harder, even with the greater stress, to be a better…date/pre-boyfriend. But it didn’t work. As the weeks went on, I even knew that she was seeing another guy…and I still STUPIDLY held on, hoping that by helping her and being there for her, I would prove that I was worth the effort…yes, I proved myself to be more dense than iridium (happy now chemists? I’ve mentioned them both…).

In the end, she was getting interviews to all her university choices and I only got one. At that point, she just stopped seeing me and talking to me. Even in class, she would sit on the complete opposite end of the room, and everyone else seemed to look at me with disdain…that’s probably why I don’t remember any of them anymore…good old subsconscious me!! You know EXACTLY who to leave behind and completely forget about (^.^).

Am not going to dwell on the emotional impact that had on me, because:
1) I am not going to get of soft and pathetic on you guys. I left that behind a long time ago. I stopped being a Philadelphia and made myself into a Parmigiano-Reggiano…apologies for the cheesy reference…*cough*. Talking of which, I am hungry…BRB, AFK, whatever you guys say these days…I needs food…I advise you to get some too if you feel hungry (^.^).

I’m BACK and happily stuffed with a Mr. Kipling French Fancy and a cup of good old tea. Google it if you have no idea what I am on about… (-,-)
2) Even if I wanted to, you can never fully describe the intensity and subjectivity of your experience to another. It is philosophically impossible. Yes, there are plenty of people (some are probably reading this right now) who have been in the same situation, but you and I may have had similar experiences, but you will never understand it as I felt it. And I shall never understand what you felt…probably because I have no idea who any of you are or anything about any of you, you nosy gits who are currently reading about my life…I guess I shouldn’t alienate you readers too much…(-.-).

So…we went off on a HUGE side note. Getting back to the current situation:
I remembered all of this as she was telling me how she did a biomedical sciences degree and was looking to get into medicine….and you know what I did?

HAHAHAHAHAHA KARMA STRIKES, SUCKS TO BE YOU!!!!!!!!

…is what I wanted to scream in her face, to sing as I pointed at her for everyone to see, to whisper as I taunted her with memories of…well…you get the picture. Am I a bad person for wanting to do that?
DAMN RIGHT I AM! 
But that’s being human. I am not a Buddhist monk, I cannot and probably will never be able to let go of these dark and socially unacceptable feelings. In the same way, if I come across a future regular patient, who I have seen grow from healthy to obese and refuses to change their diet and engage in even a little bit of exercise; I will try my best to help them of course, but I shall always have that feeling of contempt and disgust that I shall want to throw at their pudgy food-filled fat face. I love my food too, but do you see me stuffing my food hole with ridiculously amounts of fats, sugars and starch EVERY second of the day??

I wouldn’t actually throw abuse at my future fat patient, nor did I scream at this gorgeous girl who had horrendously hurt me. I gave her a bit of advice, read through her personal statement and gave a little feedback. End.

…well, I did purposely hold back from giving her amazingly good advice, because she is applying to same med school I’m currently at, and quite frankly, I’d rather see another good friend of mine get the place and I hope never to see this particular b**** ever again (-.-).

Karma 3

It was the night before 3rd year of medical school…

…and guess what? I am ILL…(>.<).
As if it wasn’t bad enough dealing with the fact that I am starting the most difficult year of my medical career so far, that I am being shoved into a new year group where I don’t know anyone, bulldozed into a year group who are over 5 years younger than me, dropkicked into a rehab for my incredibly overindulgent video gaming sins…

What is that feeling bubbling in my abdomen? Is it fear? …well, maybe……or it could just be that bout of indigestion that is also plaguing me at present (-.-). ALRIGHT FINE….I am scared…who wouldn’t be? And not just because I’m worried I’m going to be coughing glorious phlegm and sputum all over people tomorrow…

Night before 3rd

Anyone want to swap lives? You should know that I have a fairly strict selection process….no one who is in a worse position than I am currently in (like a cliched starving child from southern Ethiopia) , no one who is currently trying to get into this country or trying to get into medicine (hey, if I got something they want, I am going to enjoy flaunting it and taunting with it…(-.-), no one who doesn’t like chocolate (WHO DOESN’T LIKE CHOCOLATE???? Other than lactose intolerant people….obviously…)…meh, what’s the point? No one is going to swap lives with me….

Ugh….I think I’m just going to go to sleep…and hope I have dream that lasts forever…one about…actually, that’s private, I’ll keep that one to myself *wink*.

Beginnings…

Ugh…can’t believe I have been challenged to do this…
Seriously DON’T YOU PEOPLE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN ASK ME TO BLOG ABOUT 3RD YEAR MEDICINE?????? As if attempting to survive this year alone wasn’t bad enough, you’ve forced me to BLOG about it as well?

****ing arrogant annoying people….I hate people…(-.-)

Anyways, I’ve just finished the pages entitled ABOUT and ABOUT ME…although I gave them much more interesting titles…

And don’t ask me why I have some city and bright lights for the header…it just looked nice…and I don’t care enough to change it at present (-.-).

….a great start to my blog, no?

Beginnings